


Revelation & Damnation

by Aurora_Novarum



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Gen, Season/Series 08, over 1000 words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-06
Updated: 2008-10-06
Packaged: 2017-10-04 05:40:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aurora_Novarum/pseuds/Aurora_Novarum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Could this be the moment of judgment she'd felt since she stepped down the ramp? </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Revelation & Damnation

**Author's Note:**

> Set any time after New Order

She strode down the ramp behind the others. She should feel relaxed now. Home. But her nerves were still frayed. She could sense danger still to come at any moment, even as the wormhole shut down behind her. Would she be able to finally relax?

"Come on, Carter. Snap out of it. Another day done saving the galaxy. It's time to hit the showers." The colonel grinned at her as he flicked some of the mud encrusting them all over onto Daniel, who scowled in response as he tried to clean his glasses, but only ended up smearing more mud over them.

"Yes, sir." She forced a smile she did not feel. She could not even try to engage in their forced banter. She couldn't–not...not now.

"Major Carter." Teal'c was staring at her with such intensity she froze under his gaze like a deer trapped in headlights. "You should not be troubled by your actions. Your efforts in battle led to our success. It was a good day."

Slowly the knots unraveled–a bit, just a bit–enough that this time her smile felt more genuine. "Thank you, Teal'c."

She parted ways with them at the showers, quickly sloughing off her clothing and stuffing it with gusto in a hazmat bag. The muddy encrusted fabric felt like an alien entity in and of itself...

She would not think of that anymore. She was here, among the familiar smells and sounds of the SGC. Her sanctuary. She washed the alien dirt with its iron consistency away, feeling the hard water beating away at her skin, washing it clean–as if she could rinse away all her troubles.

As she dressed in clean garb–she wondered what would happen when she went to the infirmary? Would Janet recognize what–no, not Janet. Never again would it be Janet. She closed her eyes to that remembered pain. Would Warner or one of the others sense she change she now felt beat within her? The damnation she exuded despite all the assurances to the contrary? How would...

Her reverie was interrupted by the klaxon's blaring, and the technician announcement of an unscheduled offworld activation. Doom cleaved through her as she ran to the control room. Could this be the moment of judgment she'd felt since she stepped down the ramp?

She got there a few moments before the colonel and Daniel, the latter's hair still damp.

"Seems to be a virus in the dialing computer. The iris is trying to disengage, sir." The technician shook his head, bewildered.

"Override!" the colonel barked while she scrambled to a spare computer and started typing code. An instinctual action for her. Defending this place, this home to save herself, her family. But now...her instinct was torn with thoughts. Was this action any different than the aliens SG-1 met?

She had learned survival was a fragile and diverse concept–a matter of perspective. Her mind flashed back years ago to a MALP accident that had almost led to the destruction of the SGC–Her near death. Survival was the Entity's motive, to defend, and to attack. She still held Jolinar's memories, scattered like wisps of wind in her mind. Instinctual to survive–to take a host. To live. Should she be the harbinger of destruction for many to keep the fragile existence of few?

Click.

Her conscience's wanderings stopped as she heard it. The tell tale sound of metal striking metal on the ramp. Was this how armageddon would come this time? Not with betrayal or surprise, but a frontal direct attack?

Click.

She stared at them swarming through the active wormhole, the colonel's orders lost in the din of the controlled panic permeating the room. She stared at the man she had known as her commanding officer for years. She did not listen to his words. He was communicating through his eyes–fear. The same fear he had when he'd first met the creatures on Thor's ship, when SG-1 had saved the Asgard. The same fear he'd shown when the team was held under First's direction. The fear that had led to resolve as he'd signaled the betrayal of Fifth...the betrayal Sam had felt compelled to carry out. It was orders, and despite Fifth's compassion, it was survival. Us against them.

The best would survive.

She turned to Teal'c, already in the Gate Room, firing indiscriminately at the Replicators. Teal'c was a warrior, tried and true. She wondered if he ever questioned his own duty–if he still felt guilt at the actions he had taken under Apophis. He had proven his loyalty to the Tau'ri time and time again, but she knew his ultimate goal was not for Earth's sake, but for the Jaffa. He wanted the Goa'uld destroyed. He wanted freedom for his people.

She agreed–freedom was a lofty goal. And the Goa'uld were a scourge throughout the Milky Way. Would that dream be realized now?

Click.

One of the Replicators had somehow made it to the control room and was dangling near her console. The percussion of gunfire blasted it apart before its eyes. She turned to see Daniel lowering his sidearm. "Are you okay?" he asked.

She nodded, not daring to speak. She was caught in musings while the SGC crumbled around her. She felt more disconnected to it now, studying the lines on Daniel's face. She remembered when those eyes were less haunted. Before he'd been to the land of enlightenment, where the mysteries of the universe had unfolded before him. What had he learned there, this surreal existence where he had visited the colonel, and Teal'c, but not...Her? She felt a flash of anger at this man she knew as one of her greatest friends. Had Daniel discovered secrets there that would have stopped this moment from ever happening? Would have stopped...him?

There he was, as she knew he would appear. Fifth, surrounded by brethren, stood at the base of the ramp staring up to the control room. The colonel and Teal'c were both firing at him–to no effect. She could see the hunger for vengeance in his eyes, the desire for destruction and for...acceptance.

Even after the betrayal, Fifth was caught between two worlds. Too human for the other Replicators, too metal for the humans. The image of Pinocchio flashed through her head as she watched him. The toy who wanted to be a real boy. He was consumed by his passions–rage and desire. She stared at him now, at all of them, recognizing the futility of it all.

Something broke in her that instant, the tenuous link she felt that had both bound and disconnected her from her people. She knew who she was now, and knew what she must do.

Fifth's corruption had led to destruction and creation–his own empire of army bugs, working to do his bidding. It had led to...Her torture...

Her realization.

Her creation.

Click.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, there's no characters listed in the tags. Mentioning Sam by name was a bit of a cheat, and calling out Replicarter from the get-go was a spoiler, so...


End file.
